


A Step Up the Ladder

by GypsyDraig



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Eventual Smut maybe, F/M, First work - Freeform, Fluff, PTSD, Recovery, possible triggers in later chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-04-11 14:11:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19111297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GypsyDraig/pseuds/GypsyDraig
Summary: Bucky is trying his best to get rid of Hydra's fingerprints on his brain and soul, but the mental and emotional struggles it brings to the surface are breaking him. With nowhere to turn, he finds solace in the one person on the team who has had a similar experience.





	1. Out of the Ice

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic, so constructive criticism welcome. Lemme know what you think. No reposting or translating please. If you want to talk about it you can message me on Tumblr @gypsydraig-thevetstudent

The tingling began at his fingers and toes first. An uncomfortable, hot prickling pins-and-needles sensation. He wondered why. It spread up his hands and feet, wrists and shins, forearms and thighs, until his body felt riddled with pinpricks of heat. He kept his eyes closed. He knew what would come next.

What always came next.

He began to tense his muscles without showing signs of consciousness on the outside. This was important. Taking them by surprise would not be easy, and he had worked long and hard convincing them that each time they took him from the wait was longer for him to recover from the freeze. The crystals were melting on his arms, his skin warming. The needles had reached even the deepest center of his chest now, and he began to remember.

Steve.

Steve had fought for him, against his closest friends, to prove his innocence. Steve, after everything Bucky had done, still had faith in him.

The heat in his chest flamed with anger. He would not let Steve down. He would not let them turn him into a monster again.

The cryo pod popped open with a low hiss, and he heard the familiar beeping sounds of medical monitors hooked up to his vitals. He kept his breathing low and steady, imitating sleep. A slightly familiar voice was speaking, but he couldn’t allow himself to focus on it. Instead, he listened to all the footsteps.

The voice was coming from in front of him and left where two pairs of feet shifted their stance easily.

At least three behind him, in various spots around the room.

Had they moved him? The floor didn’t sound the same when shoes tapped against it in constant rhythm. No matter. There were three in front of him as well, and a sharp voice coming from the right front of him reading off vitals.

“Brain waves are extremely active, but vitals are steady in a sleeping pattern.”

He knew that with his brain being monitored he couldn’t stay in this farce for long.

Barely cracking his lids to adjust to the light, he could see the shadows of the six people in front of him. Two observing, very close. Probably his new commander and bodyguard. The sharp voiced woman, young and foreign by the sound of it, obviously the medical technician who took care of his pod. The light hurt his eyes, but he knew if he didn’t adjust them as much as he could now, he would be at a disadvantage when he made his first move. He allowed his breathing to speed up a bit and began to twitch his fingers. He would need a weapon.

“Vitals picking up slowly,” the woman said.

The guards in front of the room and behind him all shuffled, their footsteps stiff against the floor. The two men in front of him (broad shouldered shadows, he had never had a woman commander) straightened, but stayed steady, confident. He felt a stroke of pity for the bodyguard, likely one of the many men he had trained over the years. None of them were a match for him. He had moves he had never shown them, strategies that they would be unable to dream of. And they had never truly managed to replicate the one successful serum Zoloft had made before he died. The last of it had been ruined by scientists after him trying to improve on his work.

The prickles were all but gone, residing only in the center of his chest underneath his breastbone. He allowed the pace of his breathing to pick up a bit more, causing the beeping on the monitors to increase. The attention in the room shifted to him, waiting for him to make a move. He allowed his fingers to twitch and heard a swift intake from the three people in front of him. The stiffness was removed, and he knew it was time.

He burst out of the pod, tucking and rolling past the three important people in the room and whirled to take out the three soldiers. They were wearing odd armor, and for a split second he contemplated the prospect that he had been sold to a foreign government. Nevertheless, he didn’t hesitate to turn the women’s own spears against them. He used the butt end of the spear to sweep them off their feet one by one and knock their heads against the ground just hard enough to make them sleep. He then turned and stopped in shock at what he saw.

The medical technician was pointing her fists at him, aiming the metal glowing gloves on her hands at him. To her left was one of the men in charge, it was…. T’Challa?

For a moment he stared trying to figure out what was going on.

“What…?”

“Are you calm now?” T’Challa asked in his richly accented voice.

Bucky looked at the women on the floor, realizing that they were not in fact, the enemy he thought they were. He tried to slowly sit and fell instead, landing on his knees on the floor.

He heard the footsteps of four people. The soldiers and the bodyguard. He looked up with tears in his eyes to apologize when he recognized the bodyguard as Steve, coming out from behind the cryo pod to see him.

Steve looked back at him and opened his mouth slowly.

The tears fell down Bucky’s face and his voice cracked as he apologized to T’Challa.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, “I didn’t realize…I thought I was back under their control.”

He heard Steve softly say his name, “Bucky…Buck, we understand.”

Bucky looked up at his friend, “I don’t want to do this anymore. Put me back under.”

Steve shook his head slowly. “Bucky we want to help you and we can. The best medical technology in the world is here in Wakanda, and I have some people who are going to work with you and your mind if you’ll allow it.”

Bucky’s head sank back down to look at the floor and he mentally flicked a switch in his mind. Going numb was the only way to make sure his emotions didn’t get the better of him.

“What if it doesn’t work?”

“Then we try again until it does.”

“No,” Bucky said firmly. “I want a guarantee Steve. If they somehow get me back, you won’t hesitate.”

Steve face froze.

“I won’t do that Bucky.”

“Then put me back under.”

T’Challa spoke suddenly, “There is another option.”

Both Steve and Bucky looked at him.

“I had Shuri develop something in case this is how this went.” The king gestured to his younger sister.

Shuri had cautiously lowered her hands when Steve and Bucky began talking, and now took a hesitant step forward to explain.

“I have made this,” she held out a small black box.

“It attaches to your spine and taps into your central nervous system; I can remotely activate it from anywhere in the world and it also works as a GPS. Nobody will be able to remove it without a vibranium surgical set. If activated, it will shut down all responses in the body except for the autonomous ones. You will be able to breathe, but you will go into a coma and not be able to move until I deactivate it.”

Bucky listened to her explain. “I am willing, but who will be able to activate it?”

Shuri smiled softly. “I can give the remote to your captain here, or I can keep it. Or I can make multiple ones if you’d like.”

Bucky looked at Steve and saw the pained look on his face. Raising his eyebrows, he asked him an unspoken question in the manner they had always had. Steve nodded, agreeing to do what Bucky was asking if the time arose where it was needed.

Steve spoke for both of them, “Make a remote for me, T’Challa, and an extra one to keep on hand if need be. You will keep the first one.”

Shuri nodded, “How soon would you like me to do this procedure Mr. Barnes?”

“Now.”


	2. The Cost of Fresh Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, soooo, Bucky is awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope yall enjoy! I'll try to get the next chapter out as quickly as I can!

Shuri led the group of men away from the isolated cryogenic pod and towards the wing of the hospital where other patients were housed. Instead of hospital beds like Bucky expected, there were raised dais’s that patients laid on, their vitals displayed on a screen behind them. The guards that he had attacked were being examined already, and the screens showed that at least two of them had concussions.

Hanging his head, he muttered to T’Challa, “Please, tell them that I am sorry.”

After a moment T’Challa nodded and replied, “They have been through worse, and they all know the effects of battle well. No grudge will be held against you.”

Bucky nodded, and turned to face Shuri again as she gestured to an empty dais.

“Sargent Barnes, if you will.”

Bucky walked to the dais and sat, noticing that Shuri did not seem to be scared of him in the slightest. No tensing as he looked at her. She had not glanced behind her when he slowed his walk to speak to T’Challa. She was brave.

“If you will lay on your stomach, I will give you a small amount of anesthesia and when you wake up the implant will be in place.”

“No!” Bucky said, a bit harsher than he meant to. Seeing the guards on the daises around him tense at his volume he stilled and lowered his voice.

“Please. Local anesthetic only, and only that if you insist.”

Shuri looked at him cautiously. “Are you certain Mr. Barnes?”

He nodded. “I will not be put to sleep.”

Shuri nodded. “As you wish. Please lay on your stomach.”

He did as she asked, watching as to his surprise, the dais shifted shape to accommodate his new position. He tensed as he felt gentle hands begin to arrange his hair away from his neck.

“Mr. Barnes?”

“Yes?”

“In order to do this procedure, I will need you to trust me enough to relax, or severe damage might occur when I have to cut through the muscle at the back of the neck to reach the spinal column. I give you my word that no harm will come to you on my table. Can you trust me?”

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly he replied, “Yes.”

Shuri’s hands moved through his hair again, lightly tugging here and there. The strands around his face disappeared, and he realized she was braiding it out of the way. He made a conscious effort to relax, breathing deeply.

He felt a cooling sensation on the back of his neck that seemed to melt into his skin.

“This is the local anesthetic Mr. Barnes; I will be injecting a slightly stronger one that will affect only the feeling in the muscles surrounding the area I must cut into.”

Waiting for the sensation of the needle, he was surprised when he did not feel the pinch of the injection. The cool feeling soaked deeper into his body.

“Are you ready Mr. Barnes?”

“Yes.”

He felt no pain or texture of the scalpel, just the pressure against his skin and the odd feeling of lightness on the muscle underneath.

“Cutting through the trapezius muscle.”

This was going far quicker than he thought.

“Cutting through the splenius and semispinalis muscles. Mr. Barnes I am going to inject a bit more anesthetic and then we will be ready to place the implant. We do not know if it is going to cause you pain. Are you ready to proceed?”

“Yes.”

There was a slight pinch as the injection hit a point that the previous anesthetic had not reached.

Then a bit of pressure as Shuri placed the implant.

“The implant will clamp to the nervous system and become active in 3…2…1.”

He felt the fire that swept down his back and throughout his body and couldn’t help the scream that followed.

“BUCK!” shouted Steve, and Bucky heard his footsteps pound closer. “Shut it off Shuri!”

“No,” Bucky managed to say through the pain, “this is necessary.”

“The implants signal is beginning to come through Sargent Barnes. It will loosen the clamps after it fully connects and the pain will stop.”

He waited, feeling the sweat gather on his forehead.

Two minutes later the pain receded as Shuri promised.

“Mr. Barnes, we are going to stitch the muscles back together and close the incision. Please hold still.”

He breathed out slowly.

Ten minutes later it was over.

“You may get up now if you wish.”

Raising himself slowly, he put his feet on the floor and cautiously raised his head.

“Please don’t strain yourself for the next few days Sargent Barnes. You should be fine after that due to your accelerated healing, but until then please be cautious until your stitches heal.”

He nodded. “Thank you.”

Shuri smiled slightly, “Thank you for being my guinea pig Mr. Barnes. Not many people let me do that anymore.”

His look of surprise made her laugh before she left the room.

Steve looked at him from across the dais.

“Do you feel better now?”

Bucky looked at him like he was stupid, “Of course not. But this is as good as I am going to get to it.”

Steve nodded then turned to T’Challa. “Are we allowed to walk around?”

T’Challa nodded. “You are free to come and go as you please Captain.”

Steve paused. “And Bucky?”

“Him too,” T’Challa turned to look at Bucky, “Please refrain from injuring more of my army Sargent Barnes.”

Bucky nodded.

Walking through the maze of corridors with Steve, Bucky felt the apprehension begin to curdle in his stomach.

“You have the remote?”

Steve gave him a sideways look. “I won’t need it.”

“But do you have it.”

Steve exhaled heavily, “Yes Buck. I have it.”

Bucky nodded.

They continued down corridors that weren’t familiar, getting closer to what Bucky thought was the ground level.

“Steve, where are we going?”

Steve didn’t say a word as they took another turn and Bucky could see a door leading outside at the end of the hall. He let Steve lead the way through the sliding doors, and cautiously stepped outside.

He scanned the area around them, blinking in the brightness of the sun. There was nobody else around. No soldiers, no creeping threats. He looked at Steve to see his friend looking at him.

“You’re safe here Buck.”

Bucky looked around again. Breathing in the air that wasn’t stagnant, that didn’t smell like concrete or dust or metal.

He saw the trees. The air smelled of them, green and musk of the forest.

“Steve. Is this real?”

Steve’s voice sounded like it was having trouble coming out of his throat, “Yes Buck. This is real.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also started a Patreon account, where y'all can request personal stuff you'd like to see me write :) If yall like this, please recommend it to friends, and all that goodness.


	3. Hut Sweet Hut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo guys, sorry it took so long

The trees were green, the sky was blue, the people were vibrant and loud. Bucky followed Steve around the edges of the bustling city, earning curious glances from those who payed attention to their surroundings. 

Bucky did not appreciate the noise, the glances, the tight spaces he occasionally had to step through to get to a different street while he was following Steve. He was antsy. He wanted to go back to the forest behind T’Challa’s palace. They had just left it minutes ago, but it felt miles away. Instead of the smell of clean wind he was surrounded by the stuffiness of air between buildings that smelled of the oils that anointed the hair of the people surrounding him. 

“Buck” 

Bucky looked up at Steve. Looking at him with a worried expression Steve repeated his name. 

“Bucky, are you okay?” 

Bucky nodded slowly. 

“Why did you stop?” 

Bucky looked around himself, not aware that he had in fact stopped at all. The market traffic around them had slowed slightly, giving them a wider berth as Steve had tried to get Bucky’s attention. 

“Do you want to get away from the crowd?” 

Bucky looked back towards Steve’s worried blue eyes. 

“No, I’m fine.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes.” 

Steve studied him for another second before curtly nodding and beginning to make his way through the streets again. Bucky stuck closer this time. 1 ½ feet behind him instead of a full 3 feet. Gluing his eyes to Steve’s blond hair, he tuned out the world around him the best he could. Steve’s hair was longer than he remembered. How long had he been in the cryo pod? 

Looking down at his feet as the texture of the ground changed, he saw grass instead of stones and dirt that had covered the ground closer to the market and buildings. Looking up, he saw that the tall buildings had given way to one story shops and huts. There were less people around; the ones that were paid him no obvious attention. 

Many of the huts had pens behind them that held animals. Pigs and sheep, the occasional cow and, 

“Steve?” 

Turning around quickly Steve saw Bucky staring at a pen containing rhinos that were scarred decoratively along the sides of their faces. 

“What is it?” 

“These people have rhinoceroses in pens.” 

Steve looked at him and grinned slightly, “We definitely aren’t in Brooklyn Buck. They do their own thing here.” 

Bucky warily looked at the large animals. “I see.” 

Steve began to walk again, heading past the huts and pens and leaving the foot worn paths between them. Bucky lengthened his stride and caught up to his old friend, walking beside him on the springy grass. 

The grass got taller as they continued onwards, reaching waist height on the tall men as they walked further from the city. Peering at the ground near his feet Bucky scanned the area for animals to ensure nothing venomous was slithering too close for comfort. Noticing Steve’s feet slowly veering further to the right of his, he looked up to see the small hut nearby that they were heading towards. 

Noticing the hesitation in Bucky’s footsteps Steve spoke. 

“It’s isolated enough that no one will bother you accidentally. Everyone in the area has been asked to give you as much privacy as possible. It’s still close enough to the town that you won’t be alone if you don’t want to be.” 

Bucky looked over the wooden structure. It wasn’t as small as he had previously thought. Two windows on the front, one on the side he could see. It looked to have at least three separate rooms. The windows weren’t covered with glass. They were covered with a curtain patterned with zig zags of burnt orange shades, so he was unable to see inside. Instead of a solid door, a heavy green blanket was hung over the entrance at the front of the hut. 

Behind the hut trees fanned out for about six acres, smaller than the forest about a mile away, but thick enough to provide cover if need be. The animal pen by the front of the house was empty and slightly unkempt. Getting closer Bucky could see a small well with a pump beside it. Water source, underground. 

“Where does the water come from? Is there a source of it upstream anywhere that reaches the surface?” 

Steve shook his head. “Underground natural reservoir. You can’t reach it from the well even, the openings are too small. There is a pond in the middle of the trees somewhere out back. T’Challa said that nobody has lived here for a long while, so there are undoubtedly things that need to be fixed. The footpaths in the woods out back are long gone. You can do whatever you want with the place, just don’t blow anything up or set it on fire is all he asks.” 

“Why here, Steve?” 

Looking at him sideways Steve sighed before he answered. 

“This is the safest place for you Bucky. The defenses are greater than anywhere else in the world. Stark can’t get to you. The government can’t find you, even though your names been cleared I knew that would be preferable to you. And if they can’t it’s unlikely that anyone will be able to.” 

“How long?” 

“That’s up to you. Although I would suggest that you stay here until we manage to completely remove Hydra’s conditioning from your subconscious.” 

Bucky stiffened. 

“Will I be allowed to leave if I try?” 

“Yes. You are not a prisoner here. But this is the best place I could find for you to recover.” 

Bucky paused. 

“How safe is it?” 

“Nobody knows you are here Buck. You’re safe and so is everyone else.” 

Bucky walked into the hut, finding basic furnishings. A bed covered in the same heavy green as the door. A wicker basket at the end of the bed matching a wicker table in the middle of the room. A metal box resembling a fridge opposite the bed. A single wicker chair. 

He searched under the bed, table and chair for hidden devices; he was sure if the princess had designed them, he had little chance of finding them but he had to check. The metal box was indeed a fridge, running on some battery. He searched the edges and corners of the hut. Twice. He looked out back at the small woodsey area and decided that could wait until later. 

“See It’s safe” 

Bucky sighed and sat on the surprisingly comfortable bed, “For how long Steve?” 

The blonde man sighed, “For as long as you need it Buck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think about this so far and what you think about where it is headed.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope y'all enjoyed this, I'll post more on it when I can.


End file.
